 |
|
|
|
|
 |
 |
|
||
 |
|
|||
 |
|
|||
 |
|
|||
 |
 |
 |
|
|
 |
|
|||
 |
|
|||
 |
|
|||
 |
|
|||
 |
|
|||
 |
 |
|
||
 |
|
|||
|
||||
Admittedly,
I am a bit of a complex character and must, therefore, also show my weirder
side.
This is a book titled A Personal Checklist for Life that I self-published (March 2004). I created the book by adding tidbits here and there at the appropriate spot when inspired, mostly for therapeutic reasons. It probably will not be therapeutic for you, but here's what's in it:
|
(Click to Enlarge Book
Cover ) If you wish to purchase the book, contact me at jsbooks2004@yahoo.com (U.S.D. $8.95 plus shipping within continental U.S. Email me to find out the cost of shipping.) Laughter makes a great gift, too. (Is that tacky?) |
|
|
Chapter 1 – Traveling
a) If By Airplane Chapter 2 - “Duh” Happenings In Your Life a) Dreaded Unreliable Help
b) Discarding Useless Hobbies
c) Discovering Uncovered Holes
d) Don't Understand Him
e) Diverse Useless Happenings
f) Decisions Under Heat
g) Driving Under Hypnosis
h) Desk Under Heap
i) Dispensing Useless Help
Chapter 3 - Your Social Status and Social Skills a)
Not Well Liked Any More Chapter 4 - Your Health a)
You and Sports Chapter 5 - Your Mental State (Oh, boy)
a) Are you Stupid? Chapter 6 - The Workplace
a) Problem Employees |
Chapter 7 -Your Daily Whereabouts
Chapter 8 - Are you Lonely? Chapter 9 - Your Habits a) A Testimony from a Reader -
b) Are You Overly Cautious? Chapter 10 - Your Everyday Skills Your Driving Chapter 11 - Being a Wise Consumer
a) Buying a House Appendix A – How to Handle a Telemarketer Appendix B - How to Handle Requests Disclaimer: |
Here are a couple of samples. Read at your own risk . . .
The first one's from Chapter 3, "Your Social Status and Skills"
How
Do You Rank in Your Own Home?
You are the head of the household, and you feel like you contribute substantially to your family’s well-being. You work 60 hours a week, do housework, yard work, and kid work. You are the stalwart of this family unit. You are, undeniably, the central figure who faces all the lions and other ferocious beasts that may dare attack your beloved family.
One day, as you sit in your living room for your well-deserved hour per week of rest time, you realize who gets all the fruits of your labor; the reason for your efforts; the recipient of your toil: THE FAMILY CAT.
Carefully examine your cat’s living area to determine if you are…well…not getting your fair share of your house and of your family’s attention.
1)
Does the cat have a room for himself? Does it happen to be the master
bedroom?
2) Does the cat have a closet full of food where your tools used to be before they were thrown out?
3) Check the bathroom to see if the cat’s towel has his name on it; this is especially critical if yours is the one your uncle stole from that cheap motel last year.
4) If the package of lobster tails in the refrigerator has the cat’s name on it, ask questions. Just put down your bread and water a second, and go ask.
5) Inquire why the cat has a Rolex on his paw.
6) See if you may borrow the cat’s satin pillow.
7) You may want to check why you were just called to the basement for pellets and water, and the cat is at the dinner table right now.
8) The cat should not receive his own mail, especially in his own mail box. You know, the one that used to be yours.
9) You notice the cat is the beneficiary in everyone’s life insurance policy.
10) You notice the cat is the beneficiary in your life insurance policy.
11) You go to the veterinarian, and the cat goes to the doctor.
12) Your family is going to the grocery store, and they want to know if you like mixed grill, chicken livers with gravy, or shredded beef with chicken parts. They also want to now how many cans you need for the week.
___________________
. . . And this one's from Chapter 6, "The Workplace"
How to Interpret a Résumé
This section is necessary if you are in a position to hire others. Face it, applicants often have a tendency to be—well—creative with the contents of their résumé, and you must assess the degree of creative skill without any outside help.
Here are examples of resumes and what they really say (in capital letters). Of course, all names and everything else are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental, so don’t anybody sue me.
Herbie Smith is an applicant for a computer programmer’s job. Your advertised requirement included at least two years of programming experience in a large computer installation. You also stated in the advertisement that applicants should fill out an application and not send a resume. Here is Herbie’s resume:
RÉSUMÉ
# 1
Herbie Smith
111 First Street
Dummyville, State 11111 Herbie@dingbat.net
Education: I have completed course work toward Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science. (TOOK ENGLISH, BABY MATH, PHYS-ED., HALF A PSYCHOLOGY COURSE, AND BOMBED OUT.)
Experience: I have extensive experience in the restaurant and hotel industries. This has given me great deal of experience and skills dealing with a diverse population in the area of problem solving and conflict resolution. (WORKED AT THE LOCAL FAST FOOD JOINT AND CLEANED THE FLOOR AT THE MOTEL DOWN THE STREET.)
Hobbies/
Interests: Sailing, bowling, billiards. (WHO CARES?)Personal
Skills: Can follow directions. (THEN WHY DIDN’T HE FILL OUT AN
APPLICATION INSTEAD OF SENDING A RESUME AS THE AD REQUESTED?)
Good with spelling and grammer. (YEP; OBVIOUSLY.)
Can deal with idiots, jerks, and abusers really good. I resist the urge to kill people who yell at me and don’t like me. I’m really good at it. My parole officer said so, too. (WELL, THIS SHOULD REALLY MAKE YOU HIRE THIS GUY ON THE SPOT.)
Objective: To get a position as a computer professional. (OF COURSE.
THIS WILL CHANGE WHEN HE APPLIES FOR THE NEXT JOB. ANYTHING FOR A BUCK.)
___________________
Copyright 1999-2005, Joe Sainz
Applies to all content, Web design and layout on this site (except for other parties’ graphics, which are all used with permission and/or given appropriate credit.)